::reminisce::

how did we get here?

it seems almost like yesterday there was only safety in your name.

this comfort that overtook with a power like that of the crashing seas.

undeniable.

you.

and now...

time has run its course. the sand has run out.

and we are left. alone.

with only our memories to hold onto.

it was as if our naivety tricked us into believing we were stronger.

as if we could take on the world together.

as if it would be enough.

...as if we knew everything.

now the cymbal crashes as it reaches the coda.

and we find ourselves here.

so far. so lost.

so much further from truth than we ever thought possible.

and i can't help but wonder...what if.

::hope::

i found myself in complete disbelief today, for the friend i once knew has come back only to vanish. not a even a mere glimpse of the past remains. and although moving backwards seems rather foolish, his very steps forward appear to be an utter destruction of his own self.

and my heart breaks, as all that i believe in him slowly dissolves right before my eyes.

and it becomes rather painful to simply sit. as memories of who he used to be flood in and out, reminding me all over again of all that is lost. of all that once was. of all that could be. and as i begin to reminisce my mind slips, drifting further and further from reality, and dwelling on mere memories to keep the dream afloat. wishing, if only for a second, that my thoughts would somehow bring about his recovery. for seeing him this way is...inexpressibly mournful.

but, as my mind races to find the words to say or the steps to take to guide his healing, my heart seems to catch up to the matter. for mere words and subtle actions can only go so far to those whose hearts have been hardened. and, it is there that i reach a point when my desperate attempts to direct someone else's path prove futile. for who am i, but a mere sinner, to guide another's life to salvation? what more do i know than my fellow brother?

but, still i must hope.

for maybe it is for the best. maybe his detour will lead him somewhere beautiful. as if his journey along this treacherous, deadly path will come to find a clearing up ahead, as the darkness fades and only light, in stunning brilliance, remains. oh, my heart yearns for that. my soul prays for this salvation, this rest, this simple beauty in the midst of the shadows that appear to cloud his very life.

and, as my heart continues to break for the path he has chosen and as my mind continues to mourn with dreadful affliction for my fellow brother, i find that there is something much greater lingering just below the suffering. if only he holds on long enough to unearth it, the beauty will astound him. pushing him to restore not just who he once was, but all that he could be.

for there is salvation. there is rest. there is beauty. because, my God is bigger. and in that, i hope.

"be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Romans 12:12