::snow::

lately, i have found myself in a bit of a rut. the ending of a semester brings with it a multitude of factors. one of them, in powerful strength, is business. papers take up much more space on my hard-drive than i ever expected. exams loom around the corner. and time is invested within the demands of 'finishing strong.' it all seems quite normal to the typical college student. something we must expect with the territory we have chosen. simple logic.

yet, for me the end of this semester has brought a particular sense of stress that i have not been able to shake nor understand for the past few days. yet, as i sit in peaceful silence today i become clearly aware of the state my circumstances have produced. so caught up in the stringent requirements of papers, exams, assignments, and quizzes, i quickly lost time. as i invested more and more time into school, i lost more and more time with our beautiful Saviour. soon, i found myself going days without a real, meaningful interaction with our Father. instead, the load of classes seemed to be a heavy burden to bear and stress crept in.

i became overwhelmed with the tasks at hand. barely able to concentrate. deadlines, flying at record speed towards me, seemed too close to meet. and i became completely aware of my own futility. i was weary. and growing more and more so daily. until today. a day of beauty, peace, revelation, and recovery...

_____________________

my parents are currently out of town, visiting some relatives half-way around the world in the beautiful country of south africa. now, this leaves me with the task of arising every day at four am to let my not-yet-potty-trained pup outside. this morning, i arose about a half hour late. stumbling out of bed, i grabbed a coat and slipped on my boots, remembering to grab some treats to thwart dalton's nipping habit. anyway, as we both sleepily headed out the front door, i was peacefully stunned.

there was an undisturbed dusting of snow upon the ground and snowflakes lightly descending from the heavens above. it was a tranquil moment, undeniably drenched in the presence of our God. i quickly became lost in the scene, taking it all in. the still night sky, muddled with the overlapping of fluffy clouds, a hint of the early morning light breaking through as beautiful white fluttered down around me. hmmm, it was simply breathtaking. i could have stood there, lost in that beauty for eternity. but, a light tug on the leash i was apparently still holding onto caught my attention. and there was my pup, enjoying God's reminder of his glorious beauty as well...except dalton chose to appreciate it by pouncing around, attacking the snow, and upsetting the serenity of it all. yet, his joyful disposition at this wondrous new thing brought a smile to my face. God's power was undaunting. in one moment he managed to remind me of so much...his presence, his beauty, his peace, his joy, his sustenance. he truly is everything.

when i awoke again at seven this morning to fully start my day, i was filled with an undeniable calm. and, i knew it came from my wondrous encounter only a few hours before. as the day progressed, i became clearly aware of the lifted burden from my shoulders. suddenly, school seemed to be but a tiny task in the beautiful day ahead. nothing seemed to matter quite as much as our LORD, who once again came to take the throne upon my life. for we are not meant to be ruled by the things of this world, but rather by our heavenly Father. all else will fade, and only he will stand...in stunning brilliance.

although the world may try to beat the truth out of us, it still remains: he is all we need.

"and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:7

::india::

there is a passion within my soul.

a yearning too great for words.

and, it grows daily.

pushing me closer and closer to the edge of this plunge.

my heart longs for the over-populated, impoverished, beautiful country of india.

it speaks of immense color and culture.

a world far from our own.

threatening a difference most are afraid of.

yet, they are beautiful people.

wondrous, if i may.

i am held in awe by their customs, their beliefs, their tradition.

i am drawn to their way of life .

i am broken for their poverty.

i am desperate for their understanding.

i am passionate, passionate, passionate about these people.

i am all but ready to jump.

"it is impossible not to be astonished by india. nowhere on earth does humanity present itself in such a dizzying, creative burst of cultures and religions, races and tongues....every aspect of the country presents itself on a massive, exaggerated scale, worthy in comparison only to the superlative mountains that overshadow it."

::floating::

it is simple beauty the way music can inspire.

even that of wordless song.

the movement of rhythm.

as the sound of strings, percussion, and bass blend so vividly.

they paint a picture before me.

and, i am lost within this world of sheer eloquence.

i seemed to have lost my footing.

there is but air beneath by soles.

any trace of solid ground has vanished from my vision.

and, i am spinning.

wildly out of control.

yet, peaceful.

as i float up to the heavens, i can only glimpse that waiting eternity.

my soul soars at only the promise of His awaited return.

ohh, my heart yearns for it.

so, further i go.

losing all that has held me to this world for so long.

i am free.

"floating away in every direction"

::inconveniences::

last night, my brother was returning home from a business trip in cleveland, ohio. he had been gone for only a few days, but the distance still wore on him, resulting in his ever-eager enthusiasm to return home. scheduled to arrive in minneapolis 800 that night, he was all but content. however, his plans were quickly thrust out of control when the short flight from cleveland to minneapolis was cancelled. instead, the airline booked him on a flight to atlanta, where he would catch a connection to minneapolis. a bit disgruntled, he accepted his defeat, and held onto his refined goal of arriving home 1130 that night. yet, again, control seemed to thwart him. the airline appeared to lose his confirmation and thus gave away his seat on the connecting flight back to minneapolis now resulting in an overnight stay at the airport and an early 600 flight the next morning. this, for him, was simply too much.

calling, calling, and calling he attempted to right this wrong done to him, even with the mindset of getting something for his troubles...a free ticket perhaps. because, this whole fiasco was the fault of non other than the airline, a glitch in the system, and some poor receptionist attempting to get through her shift. but, for his inconveniences, the airline must surely pay. he must be reimbursed for the hours waited and the growing irritation. it's only fair, right?

frustrating, i am sure of it. yet, to make this predicament one level short of a lawsuit seems to be outrageous. he did arrive home safe and sound this morning by 800, isn't that all we can ask of? apparently not. because, it appears that what counts as satisfactory service, is prompt, flawless performance in which we are encased within the comfort and ease of this type of lifestyle. if we are inconvenienced in the slightest, there must be something wrong with the entire system. for, anything short of perfection is simply unacceptable.

the system is broken. but, not the one of cancelled flights and computer glitches. no, the system i am referring to is the one we ourselves are the composers of. a system that deems our feeble complaints of a delayed flight home as a reasonable grievance, while six-hundred-forty million children around the world find themselves void of shelter this very second. a system that encourages our lawsuits and court cases, raking in the money, while eighty percent of humanity lives of less than ten dollars a day. a system where the little inconveniences thrown my way are given more attention than the starving, malnourished child downtown.

...ohh, how lost we are becoming in this all-consuming world. i can feel it overtaking. we are losing a part of our souls this very instant. because, the world and its discontentment is taking control. but, in this moment of clarity, i am reminded of how bountiful the harvest is. we are blessed beyond compare to any nation on this earth. we have been given so much, too much. so, with each passing frustration let us acknowledge our wealth. with each inconvenience let us remember our blessings. and, now with this, may we move forward in the blessing of others. let's upset the balance. and, let's fix the system.

"true compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. it comes to see that a system that produces beggars needs to be repaved."

shane claiborne - 'the irresistible revolution'

::beauty::

it is autumn.

and, the leaves are slowly fading from green, to yellow, to vibrant oranges and reds. then, as each reaches it's peak, they fall, gliding down to the pavement below. some reach the ground with little disturbment, while others are taken up in the wind. it is unknown where those few end up, now at the will of the whatever storm the world has brewing.

but, it is in the midst of this season, where the colors are breath-taking, the movement of leaves quite peaceful, and the flow of nature rather mysterious, that i am awestruck by a beauty that somehow took me by surprise. as if the season came before i were aware of its arrival.

yet, here i am. in the middle of this undeniably beautiful scene, and it occurs to me that this picture is a stunning representation of our very world and the multitude of souls drifting along. and, although some are lost along the way being taken up by the storm, or buried behind the glow of another, each and every one is needed.

for as each leaf represents a spirit in the grandeur of this painting, i am firm in the believe that the loss of even one, would jeopardize the splendor of the entire scene.

see lately, i have found my heart breaking even more rigidly for the lost in our world. the marginalized, the broken, the hopeless, the scared, the abused: the buried, the ones taken up by the storm. for, they are lost within a tormented hell our world has helped create specifically for them. we have become mere landlords to them. the rich, unable to personalize and compassionately love them. we have made them a symbol of the unwanted, the not needed, the forgotten. we have pushed them from our hearts. and, we have ultimately accepted their defeat.

and now, it is directly in line with our actions, that many of these souls have become truly lost. divulging into their all-consuming thoughts that they have nothing left to live for. preparing to take their own lives, in a simple effort to rid themselves of this living hell we have enclosed them into. and, this, my dear friends, is a tragedy both too numerous and too unnoticed in our world.

because, for every soul we have convinced is not worthy, is a leaf we have ultimately erased from this magnificent painting. resulting in an ever-present ink-stain, an unfixable blemish we helped create. and this is too great a burden to bear. for, the loss of a soul on our conscious is a death much too tragic. yet, it is only when we reach this point, when our vision defogs to reveal the unmistakable err in our ways, that we become aware of the graceful autumn scene playing before us.

so, here i stand, in the midst of this stunning brilliance of autumn, finally convinced that i have blotted out enough leaves to continue down this path. my selfishness, my greed, my pride has cost the marginalized enough. it is time to personalize them again. it is time to release them from bondage. it is time to give them a voice. it is time to remind them that they have everything to live for. it is time to allow their beauty to shine. because, it is their brilliant color that reveals the masterpiece of this autumn scene.

"when we are first aware of our own brokenness, our eyes are opened to see our own faces in the faces of the oppressed and to see our own hands in the hands of the oppressors. then we shall all be truly free."

shane claiborne - 'the irresistible revolution'

::believe::

life comes with its destructions.

threatening all within its path that offers a beauty greater than this world.

for darkness cannot afford to lose. so, it must do all it can to fight back the light.

and, as the battle wages, each side takes its blow.

but, in the end...life must prevail.

for it is life that we are promised.

it is life that HE died for.

so, we must hold tight.

we must remember...

"let the light shine out the darkness...

we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;

perplexed, but not in despair;

persecuted, but not abandoned;

struck down, but not destroyed."

2 Corinthians 4:6;8-9

there is much hate.

much darkness.

much violence.

much evil.

but, we must overcome.

for there is even more love.

even more light.

even more peace.

even more good.

we must fight the good fight.

for, we will win.

we must simply believe so.

"everything is gonna be alright.

everything is gonna be alright.

everything is gonna be alright.

be strong.

believe."

::broken::

this world is heavy.

and, lately, i am finding its troubles at my doorstep. i have become weary and burdened by its affliction. and every wound it incurs becomes branded upon my very soul.

cutting.

burning.

scaring.

for my heart begins to bleed with this world.

perhaps this picture i am painting becomes just as heavy as this broken world.

as if i have no one to blame but myself for carrying this burden so strong.

as if i have no place in the midst of it all.

as if to walk away is peace.

...as if.

for, i have found clarity in the bars of a song,

in the words of broken revolutionaries hoping for something greater than this world:

"heal my heart and make it clean.

open up my heart to the things unseen.

show me how to love like you have loved me.

break my heart for what breaks Yours.

everything i am for Your kingdom's cause.

as i go from nothing to...

eternity."

and i am reminded of the brokeness innate to us all.

this cry of fellow sinners is one which echoes across humanity as we

stir.

pray.

seek.

a kingdom greater than our own.

a heavenly kingdom.

a kingdom in tune with our Saviour.

for, as we begin to walk more and more in harmony with the footsteps of our heavenly Creator,

we find a way of life in the margins of society.

a way of life abandoned by many in fear of social disaster, social suicide.

but, a way of life embraced by few in the finding of freedom from the chains of this very world we claim citizenship.

and, as we begin to walk more and more in harmony with the footsteps of our heavenly Creator,

we find His way of life.

one not of this world.

but, not one void of this world.

for we have been called forth, placed in the margins

for a divine purpose.

a purpose which breaks our heart for the pains of our Heavenly Creator.

a way of life that hungers for something greater than this world.

a calling in which we step outside the norm and

h o p e

for something more beautiful.

for when our hearts break for the broken,

we are thrust into a realm more heavenly than our own.

a realm in which our hearts will yearn for the restoration of

our world.

"Heal the sick who are there and tell them, 'The Kingdom of God is near you.'"

Luke 10:9