::believe::

life comes with its destructions.

threatening all within its path that offers a beauty greater than this world.

for darkness cannot afford to lose. so, it must do all it can to fight back the light.

and, as the battle wages, each side takes its blow.

but, in the end...life must prevail.

for it is life that we are promised.

it is life that HE died for.

so, we must hold tight.

we must remember...

"let the light shine out the darkness...

we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;

perplexed, but not in despair;

persecuted, but not abandoned;

struck down, but not destroyed."

2 Corinthians 4:6;8-9

there is much hate.

much darkness.

much violence.

much evil.

but, we must overcome.

for there is even more love.

even more light.

even more peace.

even more good.

we must fight the good fight.

for, we will win.

we must simply believe so.

"everything is gonna be alright.

everything is gonna be alright.

everything is gonna be alright.

be strong.

believe."

::broken::

this world is heavy.

and, lately, i am finding its troubles at my doorstep. i have become weary and burdened by its affliction. and every wound it incurs becomes branded upon my very soul.

cutting.

burning.

scaring.

for my heart begins to bleed with this world.

perhaps this picture i am painting becomes just as heavy as this broken world.

as if i have no one to blame but myself for carrying this burden so strong.

as if i have no place in the midst of it all.

as if to walk away is peace.

...as if.

for, i have found clarity in the bars of a song,

in the words of broken revolutionaries hoping for something greater than this world:

"heal my heart and make it clean.

open up my heart to the things unseen.

show me how to love like you have loved me.

break my heart for what breaks Yours.

everything i am for Your kingdom's cause.

as i go from nothing to...

eternity."

and i am reminded of the brokeness innate to us all.

this cry of fellow sinners is one which echoes across humanity as we

stir.

pray.

seek.

a kingdom greater than our own.

a heavenly kingdom.

a kingdom in tune with our Saviour.

for, as we begin to walk more and more in harmony with the footsteps of our heavenly Creator,

we find a way of life in the margins of society.

a way of life abandoned by many in fear of social disaster, social suicide.

but, a way of life embraced by few in the finding of freedom from the chains of this very world we claim citizenship.

and, as we begin to walk more and more in harmony with the footsteps of our heavenly Creator,

we find His way of life.

one not of this world.

but, not one void of this world.

for we have been called forth, placed in the margins

for a divine purpose.

a purpose which breaks our heart for the pains of our Heavenly Creator.

a way of life that hungers for something greater than this world.

a calling in which we step outside the norm and

h o p e

for something more beautiful.

for when our hearts break for the broken,

we are thrust into a realm more heavenly than our own.

a realm in which our hearts will yearn for the restoration of

our world.

"Heal the sick who are there and tell them, 'The Kingdom of God is near you.'"

Luke 10:9

::reminisce::

how did we get here?

it seems almost like yesterday there was only safety in your name.

this comfort that overtook with a power like that of the crashing seas.

undeniable.

you.

and now...

time has run its course. the sand has run out.

and we are left. alone.

with only our memories to hold onto.

it was as if our naivety tricked us into believing we were stronger.

as if we could take on the world together.

as if it would be enough.

...as if we knew everything.

now the cymbal crashes as it reaches the coda.

and we find ourselves here.

so far. so lost.

so much further from truth than we ever thought possible.

and i can't help but wonder...what if.

::hope::

i found myself in complete disbelief today, for the friend i once knew has come back only to vanish. not a even a mere glimpse of the past remains. and although moving backwards seems rather foolish, his very steps forward appear to be an utter destruction of his own self.

and my heart breaks, as all that i believe in him slowly dissolves right before my eyes.

and it becomes rather painful to simply sit. as memories of who he used to be flood in and out, reminding me all over again of all that is lost. of all that once was. of all that could be. and as i begin to reminisce my mind slips, drifting further and further from reality, and dwelling on mere memories to keep the dream afloat. wishing, if only for a second, that my thoughts would somehow bring about his recovery. for seeing him this way is...inexpressibly mournful.

but, as my mind races to find the words to say or the steps to take to guide his healing, my heart seems to catch up to the matter. for mere words and subtle actions can only go so far to those whose hearts have been hardened. and, it is there that i reach a point when my desperate attempts to direct someone else's path prove futile. for who am i, but a mere sinner, to guide another's life to salvation? what more do i know than my fellow brother?

but, still i must hope.

for maybe it is for the best. maybe his detour will lead him somewhere beautiful. as if his journey along this treacherous, deadly path will come to find a clearing up ahead, as the darkness fades and only light, in stunning brilliance, remains. oh, my heart yearns for that. my soul prays for this salvation, this rest, this simple beauty in the midst of the shadows that appear to cloud his very life.

and, as my heart continues to break for the path he has chosen and as my mind continues to mourn with dreadful affliction for my fellow brother, i find that there is something much greater lingering just below the suffering. if only he holds on long enough to unearth it, the beauty will astound him. pushing him to restore not just who he once was, but all that he could be.

for there is salvation. there is rest. there is beauty. because, my God is bigger. and in that, i hope.

"be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Romans 12:12

::disturbed::

"God comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable."

i have definitely been one of the disturbed calmed within the presence of our LORD. For He has this magnificent power beyond understanding that moves mountains within our very souls. it becomes breath-taking in action, as the mountain of your despair, distress, and ultimately disturbia is broken before your eyes, allowing your heart to triumph in rest.

lately, however, my comfort has been rather disturbed by this very same powerfully, beautiful Divine. i am beginning to find my life unbearably comfortable.

the ease with which each day comes and goes begins to wear heavily on my soul as i am reminded of the desolate.

the lost separated by miles and miles of social injustice.

the broken.

it is in this moment that i begin to see my comfortable world being ripped to shreds.

as my heart is being reformed, reshaped, remolded.

as my heart begins to break in tune with that of my Heavenly Father.

as my heart is being set apart.

it is here that my life becomes more than one of the comfortable.

more than one of the ordinaries.

more than the constraints of society.

more than the status quo.

more. more. more.

it is in this moment that my life becomes flipped upside down and inside out.

it is here that i become disturbed beyond which society can handle.

it is now that i live.

::love::

this past week has been one of absolute praise.

i have found myself, my heart, and ultimately my life to be undeniably free.

i cannot even begin to explain to you the euphoric feeling which comes with that realization.

i cannot stop smiling. and i cannot stop singing praises to this King who has broken my chains.

as a result, this past week, my ipod has found "repeat" a common button when it comes to hillsong.

these songs are filled with praises. shouting unto God. surrendering all to Him. and lifting His name high. 

most days, i ride the bus to school, and there, i sit. rocking out, praising my LORD in the midst of about fifty other people. most of the time, i find my mind needing to constrain the rest of my body from jumping out of that seat and dancing for my King. it's a beautiful thing.

this morning, my ears were yet again ringing the sounds of this band who cannot get enough of their Savior. and the song "solution" began to play. the tune immediately caught the attention of my ears. but, the words slowed down my brain's activity long enough for the meaning to seep through, drenching my heart in exactly what it means to love.

"it is not a human right

to stare not fight

while broken nations dream

open up our eyes, so blind

that we might find

the Mercy for the need

singing, hey now

fill our hearts with Your compassion

as we hold to our confession

it is not too far a cry

to much to try

to help the least of these

politics will not decide

if we should rise

and be Your hands and feet

singing, hey now

fill our hearts with Your compassion

as we hold to our confession

only You can mend the broken heart

and cause the blind to see

erase complete the sinner's past

and set the captives free

only You can take the widow's cry

and cause her heart to sing

be a Father to the fatherless

Out Savior and our King"

it seems that in our society today, this word "love" has become mixed and muddled within cultural norms, peer pressure, expectations, and every worldly opinion you can imagine.

when someone brings up "love," we are immediately drawn to talking about relationships with significant others and broken hearts resulting from those very relationships. this is how "love" is categorized. this becomes our backboard when we seek answers on the deep, many times unattainable meaning of this heavy word. this is what "love" has become.

and most times, we come to the conclusion that love is just that, unattainable. 

but, today, listening to that song on my bus ride home, i was whip-lashed with a sense of my betrayal against authentic love.

love in its purest, most beautiful form is not an obsession or consumption of our hearts in our other half. that, my friends, is only a mere glimpse of the magnificence of love.

love, in its most perfect form, is this man Jesus. this man who came to earth and became human. flesh. just like you and me. who loved unconditionally. who did not care about the tattered clothes upon your dirt-covered body. or the gold consuming not just your house, but your heart. this man who threw out the window every expected social norm, rule, and regulation.

this is love. unhindered, unadulterated, pure, unequivocal love.

you are called to be the hands and feet of this very man, Jesus

you were created to be a light in the darkest of places.

you were meant to shine.

"we will be Your hands, we will be Your feet

we will run this race for the least of these

on the darkest place, we will be Your light

we will be Your light"

maybe, just maybe, once we learn to love, to truly love, in its most perfect form, we will know beyond reason what it means, what it is. 

"you, my brothers, were called to be free. but do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love."

Galatians 5:13

::reality::

it all becomes somewhat surreal at some point.

as if i have stepped outside of myself and watch as this character in a play indulges within reality, embracing every struggle the world throws her way, hoping to see, one day, a glimpse of that promised peace.

one of my favorite past times is watching old home videos of me and my brother.

there is comfort in finding some sort of touch with a younger version of yourself.

back in the day when our biggest brawl involved the saying, "daddy, film me!"

i smile as i reminisce on those calmer days.

ones void of this current strife and worry i find around every corner.

ones simple and beautiful in that child-like nature.

for it is now that we find ourselves rather tormented by the reality and weight of the world in a time much before we were ready to face it all.

i am twenty-years old. and i feel somewhat old.

but i have the rest of my life ahead of me.

the world waiting at my fingertips.

ready for my presence to grace it. to impact it.

still so young. still so much more to travel. still miles upon miles left untouched.

and, yet, here i stand, much more grown up than i ever imagined.

the world has done its job.

stripping away my childhood fantasies more and more each day.

replacing them with a much more brutal sense of reality.

for my heart has been broken. in more ways than one.

my plans have been crushed beneath the feet of others.

my dreams stolen out of my very grip.

my soul chained within constraints much too powerful.

at twenty-years old, that seems rather grown-up.

as if i have heard enough, seen enough, experienced enough to be one of the wise.

those whose pain has fostered growth for the telling of the younger.

as if our strife was so endured to spare them of their own.

so the wise will educate the foolish, the not yet learned, the naive, the innocent.

doing so in a desperate attempt to allow their innocence to remain if only for a few seconds longer than our own.

for once we lose our innocence, the world and its reality comes crashing down.

weighing heavily upon our already burdened shoulders.

promising all that comes with destruction. promising defeat.

or worse...consumption.

for the weight becomes too much to bear.

and instead of fighting, we give in.

we allow the reality to devour us.

making us its puppet. unresistingly willing to be at its service.

losing ourselves, our very identity in the process.

instead becoming a pawn. just like the others. with no control. no voice.

and it is here, it is at this point, where the foolish become the wise.

it is their brokenness that pushes them to hope.

it is their lack of control that forces them to faith.

it is that very burden of reality that strengthens them.

it is here, it is now, that this heaviness of reality becomes beautifully freeing.

as if embracing the struggle truly did bring about that promised glimpse of hope.

as if this harsh reality of the world was merely a messenger. a path. a way. only part of the equation.

which brought about completion in true reality: the freedom. the hope. the promise. 

all found in holding on when you have every reason to let go

all found in fighting when you have every reason to admit defeat.

all found in faith. all found in Christ.

and our conception, our understanding of reality is beautifully altered

as if it is the storm the world had brewing was put to death in Christ.

"i want you to know how much i am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. my purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."

Colossians 2:1-3